Peyton Manning’s (Totally Fake) Pre-Game Ritual

If it feels like Denver is becoming as obsessed with football as Peyton Manning is, you’re right—at least until Sunday. Which made the 5280 editors wonder: What is No. 18’s pregame ritual? It is sure to be perfected, obsessive, and, well, effective. So, here’s our guess as to what he’s doing.

Saturday a.m.

• Iron boxer shorts.
• Remind intern about the proper curvature for the brim of post-game hat.
• Create a pop quiz for the receivers on routes. Practice “I’m disappointed” face if they answer incorrectly.
• Start pre-game stretches for neck. Continue until game time.

Saturday p.m.

• Order 60 Papa John’s pizzas to be delivered to the Seahawks’ hotel rooms at 3 a.m. on gameday because you get a bulk deal.
• Polish shoes.
• Moisturize forehead.
• Put post-game Bud Light in fridge to chill for tomorrow. Feel guilty about not trying Colorado’s craft beers.
• Call Eli to wish him goodnight.

Sunday a.m.

• Call Eric Decker to remind him to tie his shoelaces.
• Remoisturize forehead.
• Try out other names, instead of Omaha (“South Dakota! South Dakota!”).
• Send email to John Fox and John Elway saying, “I’ve got this.”

—Image courtesy of Shutterstock

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