Beverly Hills, New York City, and Atlanta—heck, even Salt Lake City—have all had Real Housewives franchises. What about Denver? Now that we’ve landed one of the world’s most famous celebrity couples, Russell and Ciara Wilson, we decided to assemble a driven, opinionated, and volatile cast around the latter to help launch the series in the Mile High City. Cue the catfights.

Helen Thorpe

The Mediator

The London-born, Irish American journalist who split from former hubby John Hickenlooper in 2015 might seem like a strange selection. But if her amicable breakup with Hick is any indication, Thorpe would be the peacekeeper this crew will desperately need.

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Catchphrase: “Keep it up, and you’ll get an Irish goodbye.”

Johnna Crispe

The Instigator

The daughter of John Bandimere Jr., owner of Bandimere Speedway in Morrison, would provide entrée into the, uh, colorful family that organized a “Stop the COVID Chaos Rally” in September 2020. That’s around the time the Bandimere family sued Governor Jared Polis and the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment over “unconstitutional” public health protocols, such as mask mandates.

Catchphrase: “I may own a speedway, but don’t tread on me.”

Ciara Wilson

The Celebrity

The R&B princess (her middle name is actually Princess) moved to Colorado this year after her husband signed with the Broncos. Ciara is famous in her own right, though: The multiplatinum, five-time-Grammy-nominated artist-actress-model has topped the Billboard charts—and now she’ll top the Mile High City’s social scene.

Catchphrase: “In the Wilson household, I call the plays.”

Deborah Dunafon

The Wildcard

A modern-day Miss Mona and Ed Earl (see: The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas), Dunafon owns Shotgun Willie’s, and her husband, Mike, is the mayor of Glendale. Dunafon used to own the Smokin’ Gun Apothecary marijuana dispensary, too, but sold it in 2021 for $4 million, bringing her dynasty of buds and boobs to an end.

Catchphrase: “The weed might be gone, but the thrill isn’t.”

Piper Billups

The Homemaker

Although her husband, former Denver Nuggets superstar Chauncey Billups, moved to Oregon to coach the Portland Trail Blazers, Piper is a Mile High City real estate agent. Do we smell a Million Dollar Listing: Denver spinoff?

Catchphrase: “I’m here to get this house in order.”