Denver-based Frontier Airlines is currently competing with JetBlue Airways to acquire Spirit Airlines. If Frontier wins the bidding war, it believes the combined company will provide more “value” to investors—which sounds suspiciously like Frontier becoming even stingier toward its passengers in order to chase greater profits. How, you might ask, could flying America’s most-complained-about airline get more miserable? We took some wild (we hope) guesses.

1. The Boulder triathlete community might be jazzed about Aviointeriors’ Skyrider 3.0 seats—essentially bike seats that take up 23 inches, compared with the lavish industry standard of 31 inches—but the rest of us aren’t buying the Italian company’s argument that it’s “ultrabasic economy,” not cattle class. Let’s hope Frontier doesn’t, either.

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2. Strap-clutching standing passengers aboard RTD’s Route 15 bus have become so accustomed to their white-knuckle rides up and down Colfax Avenue, they don’t even notice their neighbors’ armpit aromas anymore. What’s to prevent Frontier from taking this people-packing mode of transportation to the skies—you know, other than federal regulations?

Illustration by Son of Alan

3. Please wait until reaching cruising altitude before visiting the lavatories located at the front and rear of the craft, which, of course, remain free of charge. Require toilet paper? No problem—you’ll find both single- and double-ply options available for purchase in Frontier’s in-flight catalog.

Illustration by Son of Alan

4. On Southwest Airlines, “Bags Fly Free.” On Frontier, people will. The only caveat*? Your seat isn’t actually a seat but the lap of a paying customer.

Illustration by Son of Alan

5. Although Frontier might just cut flight attendants altogether, by simply pressing the overhead button you will be instantly connected to a customer service specialist at the company’s new call center in Pueblo.

Illustration by Son of Alan