I don’t sleep. Not well, anyway. Specialists I’ve seen say the curse is likely attributable to anxiety and have suggested over-the-counter meds like Advil PM and prescribed Lunesta and Ambien—all to no avail. Because I live in Colorado, friends have encouraged me for years to give cannabis a chance to cure my insomnia, but the gummies I’ve tried failed to deliver lullabies or moments of euphoria. I came to wonder if I was simply immune to the wiles of weed.

In January, I learned there was a way to know for sure. Denver’s three-year-old Police & Thieves dispensary, which has locations in Montclair and Cherry Creek, had just begun offering a service for people like me, who either haven’t had much experience with pot and/or who might like to understand how cannabis specifically affects their bodies. In theory, that knowledge would allow participants to use the substance more effectively for things like pain, anxiety, inflammation, and sleeplessness. Bleary-eyed and desperate for a good snooze, I had nothing to lose.

5280 April 2025
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The CannaCurious program ($228) began with a cheek-swab DNA test to analyze how fast my body metabolizes both THC, the psychoactive chemical in cannabis, and CBD, a nonpsychoactive compound that reportedly treats several health conditions including anxiety and insomnia, among other cannabinoids. I then took an online survey to identify my personal goals (hello, better z’s!) before meeting with store lead Stassja Gomez, who walked me through the DNA results.

According to my genes, she explained, I’m a rapid metabolizer of CBD and a typical but efficient metabolizer of THC—and that I’d very likely not been taking a high enough dose of either compound to rock me to sleep. The recommendation: Experiment with strains that have at least a 2:1 CBD to THC ratio. She also suggested I try products with anti-inflammatory cannabigerol (CBG), to ease any aches that might be keeping me up, and cannabinol (CBN), a cannabinoid with sedative properties that she jokingly calls “CBNightNight.” After 45 minutes with Gomez, I departed the dispensary with four products—two of which were included in the program price and two of which, in the name of science, I couldn’t help but take home.

Long story short: I’m not immune to cannabis. For me, the winner was half of a Wana Optimal Stay Asleep Dream Berry gummy (20 milligrams CBD, 10 mg THC, five mg CBN and CBG), which delivered a mild, enjoyable head high plus a drowsiness that triumphed over my mind-spinning, allowing me to enter la-la land with miraculous speed and stay there for six uninterrupted hours. (If that doesn’t sound long to you, you are not an insomniac.) TasteBudz’s Cannabinoid Suite Blackberry Chamomile gummies (10 mg CBN, five mg CBD, one mg THC) were a close second, because I never felt stoned, only delightfully heavy-eyed. I had less pronounced results with Mary’s Medicinals’ Remedy Tincture and Batch’s Become Mellow vape, but that could be because gummies provide newbies like me an easier way to control dosage.

Finding the perfect prescription of cannabis for you will always involve some guesswork, Gomez says, “but we’re removing a little bit of the unknown.” For that, all I can say is: Thank you, and goodnight.

Read More: 5 of Colorado’s Best Edible Brands

This article was originally published in 5280 April 2025.
Lindsey B. King
Lindsey B. King
Lindsey B. King was the magazine’s editor from 2021 to 2024. She is currently a Denver-based writer and editor.