First of All, We're Not Related

July 2005

According to 9News.com, police are searching for 34-year-old David Banes after he walked away from a minimum security prison near Golden. His name makes him the plural version of my father, though my dad doesn't have a shaved head and multiple tattoos (not that I know of, anyway). This is the second time in a month that an inmate has walked out of the facility, which is actually located about a mile from my home. I drive by there every now and then, and it really would be that easy to just walk out the front gate. Normally that doesn't bother me, because I figure anyone in a minimum security prison probably isn't a huge threat to society (unless they are Martha Stewart). But then I read this in the 9News.com story:

Police say he should be considered dangerous.

Wait for it... THEN WHY THE HELL IS HE IN A PRISON WITH AN OPEN FRONT GATE?!?

I know that prison overcrowding is a growing political issue, but have we really reached the point where we are locking up dangerous criminals in places where they don't even close the gate? Can we only afford fences, but not gates? And even if it is minimum-security, I don't read that to mean "NO security." How do you just walk out of a prison? Uh, I'm just going to go out to get a Slurpee. It's pretty hot out tonight. Okay, David. Will you bring me back a Snickers bar? The only thing that makes me feel a little safer about this is that they put out a $2,500 reward for Banes' capture. That's like losing your dog and putting up a sign that says "Lost Dog. Reward: Bag of Chips." He can't be that dangerous if they're only going to offer $2,500 for his capture. This got me thinking: if it's that easy to get out, maybe it's equally easy to get in. I could try to turn in my dad -- maybe they would give me $1,250 for him. Well, he's not really dangerous, but he has almost the same name. Before you get too upset at me for suggesting I turn in my own father for a reward, remember this... He could just walk back out.